The Pro-Child Way®
Parenting with an Ex
Pro-Child solutions for typical divorced-parenting situations
by Ellen Kellner
Is a child asking if you love her Dad? [Divorced Situation #26]
Is your ex late for the visit? [Divorced Situation #6]|
How do you set up the visitation schedule? [Divorced Situation #2]|
Do you need Back-to-School Night help? [Divorced Situation #19]
Does your ex have a new spouse? [Divorced Situation #39]
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Before reacting in The Old Way, grab the book!
The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex questions The Old Way of reacting to an ex and introduces The Pro-Child Way® of raising a child through mindful divorce solutions. The book’s layout, and tell-it-like-it-is style, makes it easy for a parent to gain advice on an issue while addressing the child’s need for love, patience, kindness, consistency, and security.
The Pro-Child Way® guides parents through the trickiest of divorced-parenting situations using a problem/solution format while keeping the child’s best interest a priority. Forty-six real life scenarios are addressed, providing first an often typical reaction and then demonstrating a positive Pro-Child response. Topics include: visitation, money, communication, and discipline.
Emphasizing that good parenting skills are absolute and are not corrupted by marital status, The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex offers a fresh perspective from the caring heart of a mom who has been there and taken a mindful path. By learning to recognize the difference between the divorced situation and the reaction to it, parents can save their child from the effects of the typical divorce, nurturing their child’s spirit through the process. Just as this parent has done it, so can others who are seeking a better way for their child.
The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex has been praised by Montessori educators, psychologists, lawyers, elementary guidance counselors, and divorced parents. As one said, “It is for parents who have a strong desire to meet the personal and emotional needs of their children during and after divorce.”
“To anyone who has somehow become interwoven into the dissolution of a family, this book is a must have. It’s as if Ellen had come right into my house and seen what had unfolded. Emotions were understandably high, a whole slew of feelings were within me – sadness, anger, worry, remorse, but also, compassion. These feelings all being for my partner, or soon to be ex. So how does one deal with all these emotions, AND be mindful of a child at the same time?? Ellen’s book “The Pro Child Way” has guided me through this delicate situation.”
~ Asha T., mother of 2 boys
Reviews for The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex:
“In the book, The Pro-Child Way®: Parenting with an Ex, Ellen Kellner shares tools, techniques, and stories from her heart, to help support divorced parents to be the best they can be for the sake of their children. I have seen first hand how Ellen practices what she preaches. She is an exceptional mom and her daughters are blessed to have her. She takes her role as a co-parent seriously and is an unbelievable role model for her daughters, as well as for all of us who are parenting with an Ex.”
Joanie Winberg, Founder,
The National Association for Divorced Women and Children
“There is much to like about Kellner’s work, both in organization and in content. She takes 46 common contentious divorce scenarios, such as late pick-ups and the ex’s new spouse, and breaks them down into two approaches: the “Old Way” (an internal dialog of trash talking the ex, both accurately done and containing likely elements of truth), and the “The Pro-Child Way,” which emphasizes zipping the lip if not turning the cheek to assist your child in maintaining a healthy relationship with both parents. She gives concrete sample sentences and sound advice for looking at the big picture of a child’s longterm emotional health.”
Library Journal, Book Smack, December 2009
“This is an outstanding book for mothers and fathers locked in divorce combat! I am a family law and divorce lawyer in Palm Springs, California, and a Masters student of Family Life Education at Loma Linda University. I bumped into Ms. Kellner’s book while I was investigating available resources to support parents involved in custody disputes, in order to help my own clients to make choices that facilitate their childrens’ best interests rather than blindly serving the natural reactivity and the competing agendas of many divorcing couples.
Thurman W. Arnold III
This book resonated for me and I now recommend it to all my clients, whether they are fathers or mothers. Ms. Kellner recognizes that parenting in divorce involves a renegotiation of financial (men) and custodial (women) perspectives, as well as allowing us to reconsider the power imbalances that flow from these issues, and our control-based fears. She is even handed in her treatment, which for me makes her very wise. Ellen Kellner reminds us that the most important and the most disempowered persons in divorce are our children. These vulnerable human beings depend utterly upon the wisdom of BOTH parents, and each parent’s desire and willingness to inquire their way to the truth of what serves a child’s best interests.
The Pro-Child guide will help parents become grounded – and reasonable – in ways that are otherwise quite elusive. For that reason, it will assist both divorce lawyers and their clients.
I have copies of her book on hand to give away to my divorcing clients. It is but a small gift, especially considering how much I must charge my clients, and how much they might save by avoiding unnecessary adversarial maneuvering!”
Attorney, Palm Springs CA
“This gem of a book should be handed out by ALL divorce judges to the divorcing parents when there are kids involved and they should have to go thru a course based on it as well. I am 100% serious!…
Nicole on her blog, BlessTheirHeartsMom
… really really can not recommend this book enough! If you are thinking about divorce, getting a divorce, or already through one, GET this book! And use the spring renewal to renew your vow to handle things with your ex in the BEST interest of your child/children!”
“Solution-focused and Spiritual. As a mental health professional I am aware of studies and statistics documenting the detrimental effects divorce can have on children. However, I have not come across any books or articles that offer understandable “how-to” advice until Ellen Kellner’s The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex.
Gabriele Glynn
The book is well written and nicely structured and provides a solution-focused approach to such sticky situations as handling visitations, communication, money, extended families, and discipline and behavior issues. Aside from the practical down-to-earth approach, at the heart of this inspiring book is love and the belief that we do have control over our thoughts and behaviors. Ellen Kellner clearly shows how we can replace maladaptive thoughts and behaviors (which she calls “the old way”) with healthier and saner ones (“the Pro-Child way”). Or as Ellen would put it: “Lucky for your child, it only takes you to make a significant impact on the divorced-parenting tone.”
I highly recommend this gem to divorcing and divorced parents who put the welfare and happiness of the children above their personal emotional reactions to their ex-spouses.”
“The Pro-Child Way is the book every parent going through a divorce should be required to read. This book offers guidance and hope for divorcing parents who know the importance intact parenting can have on the lives of their children. It is written for parents who have a strong desire to meet the personal and emotional needs of their children during and after a divorce. Ellen Kellner’s child-centered or Pro-Child solutions to a myriad of divorced situations provide parents with the ability to better understand their child’s perspective and to then act accordingly in the best interest of their child.”
Bonnie Manning
Director, Children’s House of Hershey Montessori
“The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex offers easy-to-read options for parents in difficult co-parenting situations. I wish every parent had this resource before they turn to the courthouse and ask a Judge to try to solve their divorced parenting problems. This book can help parents think outside the box and use creative solutions to help their children benefit from the love of two parents!
Sandy Ballard
I love the case scenario format and the short sections. This is a book that can be a great help even if you don’t read it cover-to-cover. What every busy parent needs!”
Attorney, Harrisburg PA
“Mindful solutions to divorce parenting! “Ellen Kellner’s revolutionary solutions to these most common and sensitive situations that arise in the process of divorce parenting are truly inspired. Drawing upon her personal experience, she sheds new light on outdated and often detrimental ways of co-parenting during and after a divorce.
Carolyn Mycue
Ellen’s creative solutions put the child where they belong: at the front of the equation instead of buried beneath the personal needs or resentments of the parents. This fresh perspective helps preserve a child’s relationship with both parents in a way that provides the support the child needs to feel safe and loved.
Whether you are in the beginning stages of divorce, or are seeped in the aftermath, I highly recommend Ellen Kellner’s book, “The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex”, as a most helpful tool to more consciously navigate the unconscious pitfalls of divorce parenting!”
Divorced mom
“Even if your practice area is not divorce, you’ll soon find yourself recommending this book to others who are, or know people who are facing the challenges of “Parenting with an Ex”. This wonderful book openly shares the temptations to nastiness that Ex’s can feel. And with insight and wisdom, born in part of her own experience, Ms. Ellen Kellner gently shares the “Pro-Child Way” to respond to those temptations. I can think of no better companion to discussion about “the best interests of the child” than this little tome. If your practice IS in divorce, you’ll soon find yourself buying in bulk to hand out to your clients.”
Carl Michael Rossi, M.A. J.D., L.P.C.Chicago, IL
“What a great Book! I was in the process of requesting books for early review on another website, when I saw this book. The timing couldn’t have been better. I had just been informed that my son & his wife intended to file for divorce. They have an only child who is a pre-teen. The situation is full of bitterness and anger. I see my grandchild being pulled between them. I purchased this book along with another and gave a copy to my son. It was well received and according to him helped in diffusing a potentially volatile situation over the weekend. His wife began reading the book after finding it on the coffee table and expressed to my son that she thought it was a good book. Both of them have now found a common way to focus their previously bitter discussions to positive solutions regarding what is best for their child. I was also able to see how grandparents can use the information to help their grandchildren by not taking sides and keeping communication positive in their interactions with both parents especially during family gatherings and the holidays.
J. Alder “Ruby Slippers”
The message that even one parent behaving in a manner that puts the interest of their child first will make a huge difference in the child’s welfare, was very good to know. Even better, when one parent stops escalating negative behavior toward the other, often the behavior of the other parent is diffused. Out of the two books I purchased, this is the book they found most helpful. The book has offered practical, encouraging information to our family at a time when everyone is beside themselves as their lives change. It has been most gratifying to see that something as simple as a book has eased tensions and given an opportunity for my grandchild to perhaps be spared some of the more devastating traumas of divorce. Thank you, Thank you.”