Chex Mix, Muffins, and Possibilities
Here is a singular gratitude: Thanksgiving. After years of being a divorced parent and participating in my daughter’s designated holiday schedule, I’ve come to really enjoy Thanksgiving. This is major for me. I Do Holidays. I LOVE holidays. I love spending a day with my girls and family. Nestled at home, eating food, sharing in rituals and tradition. Throughout my life, holiday routines have kept me grounded. So being grateful for Thanksgiving seemed a given… until divorce. Divorce ushered in a new tradition: waving goodbye to my daughters.
Thanksgiving is one of the holidays that my daughters get to spend with their dads. The importance that I placed on their holiday traditions didn’t end with my marriages. Even though I’d now be removed from their Thanksgiving, I wanted their traditions to continue and grow. Divorce didn’t change the concept, just the practice. For my one daughter, it has meant 10+ years of getting in the car with her dad and driving across states to Grandma and Grandpa’s house in North Carolina. For my other daughter, it’s a developing tradition of traveling with her dad to New England. I’m grateful that they’re being raised in family traditions, even when those traditions don’t involve me.
I admit I wasn’t always so high-minded. I was terrified that first year. As my young daughter was being driven away, I was sick with worry that I was never going to see her again. Preoccupied by what was going to go wrong, I was so relieved when she returned 5 days later. So relieved. She was so excited to tell me of her Thanksgiving adventure! I smiled and wished I had a Thanksgiving adventure to relay back to her! From that moment, I put a quiet plan into action. The plan wasn’t complex, just a mind-set that I was going to look at my Thanksgivings as an opportunity.
The next Thanksgiving came, and I made Chex mix and muffins. Chex mix and muffins have sustained me through years of Thanksgivings without my girls. Instead of fretting about the looming departure, I made Chex mix. Enough for me. Enough for my daughter to share with her dad on the car ride. Enough for my extended family. When divorce number two happened and my second daughter headed off for Thanksgiving, she also left with a bag of Chex mix in her pack. In some small way, the process of making this snack turned into a preparation for me. Preparing my mind that the time of leaving was soon, and preparing my child with a goody bag of traveling munchies. Yep, after all these years, it just wouldn’t be Thanksgiving (a few days early) without the smell of triple butter and season-salt Chex mix in the house. We are all grateful for that. Yum.
Thanksgiving muffins were a bit more deliberate. I sought those out. Thanksgiving morning doesn’t come with ready made activity. No religious rituals, no commercial rituals, nothing. I had nothing. I needed something. I needed purpose, good smells, and something to share. I needed to get up early and accomplish something. I needed awesome Thanksgiving muffins. Oh, they are sooooo good: pumpkin, cranberry, walnuts and spice. Piping hot out of the oven with a cup of coffee. Now THAT is Thanksgiving morning. A double recipe is enough to have some for traveling. Usually they travel with me to my family’s house across town. This past Thanksgiving, both the muffins and Chex mix traveled with me to Spain.
I still crave a bit of tradition in my holiday. But, I’m so grateful that my Thanksgiving tradition now fits into my carry-on luggage. My Thanksgiving possibilities have expanded enough to include me leaving the continent. I knew my girls were surrounded by their traditions, so off I went, with my bag of goodies in tow, to gather my own adventure stories to re-tell.
Thank you to my Ex, for taking our daughter on that first Thanksgiving holiday. It’s been a journey, but the panic has long subsided, ushering in Thanksgivings filled with Chex mix, muffins, and possibilities.
