The Pro Child Way: Parenting with an Ex
“The Pro-Child Way”
Parenting with an Ex
by Aura M. Hill
as published in The Sun, Hershey/Hummelstown PA
Two locals have teamed up to produce a recently released book that keeps the interest of the child in the forefront during a divorce. Ellen Kellner, Hershey resident and author, has collaborated with publisher Rena Wilson Fox of Hershey’s UnTapped Talent to release Kellner’s book, “The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex,” which details mindful divorced parenting.
A twice-divorced parent of two daughters herself, Kellner said, “The largest part of being a parent is nurturing a child. Society seems to think that when a divorce occurs, that nurturing is no longer possible.” She said that when she and her first husband divorced, their daughter was two years old. “I never lost my conviction that I was here to nurture her.”
She likened parenting during a divorce to the first day of motherhood. “You’ve read all the books, you’ve heard all the experts telling you what to do and feel, and now you have to do it.”
In facing that juncture herself, she said it was easier to figure out what she didn’t want to do and how she didn’t want to handle the situation than what she did want and how it should be.
In the book, she guides parents through tricky divorced-parenting situations, including visitations, money, communication and discipline, using a problem/solution format while keeping the child’s best interest a priority. She addresses 46 real life scenarios providing, first, an often typical reaction and then demonstrating the positive The Pro-Child Way response.
“Each situation has two different voices. The first is the one I call the Old Way, the in-your-face, sit-com, ego-driven reaction. It was easier to address these first as they provided a launching pad for the Pro-Child Way,” which, she says, removes the ego from the equation and puts the child first. By learning to recognize the Old Way of reacting to an ex about common situations, parents can save their child from adverse effects of divorce.
“It isn’t always easy; sometimes you have to fake it until you get it,” she said, adding that she encourages simple methods, “Smile, instead of ranting Only the inside of your heart knows the origin of your smile. It doesn’t take your ex’s agreement. Your child only knows you are smiling.” The book stresses that parents can control much of a situation if they concentrate on what they can control, instead of laying blame.
Kellner’s “tell-it-like-it-is” style is not steered by research studies or academics but rather by the hands-on school of been-there-done-that. “Everything is fully originating from me, from my intuition, discernment, and a lot of experience.”
However, she admits to having embraced on research statistic that she read. It stated that one single person can influence a situation 80 percent by merely exerting control. She says, when she read it, “I felt validated. It was about handing up, about walking away, about smiling at a child.”
Books are available from the author, the publisher or from Amazon.com.
