Compassion Through Sharing: A lesson in cutting cake
A story was told about two children who are expected to share a cake. The parent, whose goal was to create equality suggested the following: tell the one child that he is responsible for cutting the cake to be shared in two and tell the other child that she gets to choose first her desired piece. The result? The child who cuts has an incentive to divide equally so that the other child doesn’t chose the bigger piece, leaving the first with less. In these two equally cut pieces, the result is an appearance of equality and fairness.
When I share a treat with a friend or my children, I often don’t choose to divide it equally. Often, I wish for the other person to have the last bite, the bigger piece, or the second helping. I love seeing my daughter lick the bottom of the icing bowl and it brings me joy to see a friend enjoying the last bit of chocolate. It makes me wonder if the child who only experiences fairness is experiencing this delight in other’s happiness.
There are also times when I really want that larger piece of cake. In those moments I’m filled with gratitude along with a chocolatey smile. Receiving in this way is good for the soul.
I want my child to feel joy in being the reason why another is smiling. I want my child to feel thankfulness in receiving another’s generosity. In both the giving and the receiving of the larger piece there is no equality, but there is love. This, I believe, is immeasurably fair.
The question becomes, how can we nurture the ways of compassion and methods of peaceful resolution in our children? Prior to settling world conflicts, creating peaceful divorces, or splitting tasks at school, we first need to learn how to share a piece of cake.
In imagining a cake covered in white icing, it is simple to see two equal slices being shared in peace. But in adding some decorations to the cake, “equal” becomes tricky. Is it equal for the one child to have the red flower instead of the yellow one? Is it conceivable for the choosing child to purposefully select the coveted decoration out of spite? Life, like a cake, is seldom equal.
Rather than making choices from a position of scarcity, this cake slicing business can be viewed through abundance. Scarcity comes from a position of “I don’t have” with the child feeling depleted from an unequal exchange. An awareness of abundance, goes beyond measured slices taking additional factors like joy, love, and delight into consideration. These limitless qualities can never be depleted.
This past week I was standing next to a celebratory sheet cake when a little boy came up and squealed because he recognized the first letter of his name was written within the cake’s message. Of course he immediately wanted that slice. Recognizing his joy, I was happy to fish out that center piece for him. He was delighted in his unique piece. I turned to my young daughter who was observing the removal of this special piece and I said, “Isn’t that so neat that he knew his name started with a B and then was able to find a B in the cake?!” My smile invited a similar response from her. In a small way, she observed the happiness that I could feel in giving someone else a treat.
Through many experiences she has seen her older sister get the “last bite” and has enjoyed a special bite while her sister and I watched. Rather than screaming “not fair!” or shaming her for taking the perceived better piece, we delight in each others’ special moment. While I’m not purposefully creating a strategy for world peace in these moments, it would be nice if our smiles led her down that path.
Imagine the cut and choose method being used in the court system of divorce: one spouse divides the property, the other chooses which half to take first. Yes, the task at hand would be solved, but it would be unlikely that either party would be smiling in the result. Countries have warred over the equality of land disputes. Interesting how quickly a simple cake cutting situation can lay the foundation for vast results.
The next time you ask your children to share a piece of cake, prior to guiding the knife, take a deep breath and welcome the opportunity to guide in delicious compassion.
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Mindful mom, thinker, and author, Ellen Kellner, guides parents through The Pro-Child Way® of nurturing their child’s spirit through her intuition, discernment, and experience. www.TheProChildWay.com
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