As I was frantically searching for something this past week, not really having the time or energy to do a thorough search it hit me: this is why I was compelled to writeThe Pro-Child Way^®: Parenting with an Ex in that particular format.  The problem/solution format.  The quick “here’s an idea”, now “get to it” format.  Because in hectic times THERE IS NO TIME or ENERGY to dive into anything deeper!  This understanding hit me hard this week and it was critical timing for me to remember the value of my own work.

During my sunset, campfire, starry sky, and billowy cloud camping journey I knew that I faced a pause in my Pro-Child Way work.  I began to question the work that I had written.  But it wasn’t the tenting journey that provided my clarity, it was the crazy life that ensued afterwards that now makes me smile in understanding my own book: bull’s eye.

Years after my divorces, it’s easy for me to question whether the book was written with enough depth, with enough explanations, with enough examples, with enough variations in circumstances, and with enough extenuating situations!  Thinking how the book could have been expanded was enough to make me want to escape to New Mexico… wait… I did that!  And after that breather, it’s clear to me that this recent pause wasn’t about turning away from my heart’s work.  It was just a break to remember, to understand, the reason behind the book’s form: LIFE is CRAZY during TRANSITIONS!  In that moment - that crazy, time restricted, emotionally draining moment—all that you want is a way to get through it.  The Pro-Child Way^®: Parenting with an Exis that “get through it” resource.  And That is the exact reason that its form is what it is.  Extenuating circumstances and alternate scenario #2, 3, and 9 are just going to have to wait till quieter times arrive.  Right now: give me a quick solution!

Maybe next week, when my sofa is back into a living room that I call home and my girls are quietly settling back into an evening routine, I’ll reach for a book that brings depth along with the many pages - but right now, I’ll I can say is “Thank You God” for placing some quick guidance on my path these past couple weeks.  Those little tidbits were what I needed to get through the problems I faced and “Yes, God, I got the message.”  Funny that the three most powerful messages came on vanity license plates.  Those quick reminders, perfectly placed before my eyes, brought some great understanding.  And, yes, I noted that these solutions came on vehicles that were moving forward—just like my heart-centered forward moving Pro-Child Way work.

Where is your reality right now?  Is it in the crazed hectic stage or the more expansive awe-filled space?  Open your eyes and see what surrounds you, I bet your nourishment will come exactly in the form that is needed.  And, I wish you understanding and peace when you get a chance to look back and say, “Yes, that is exactly why I did that.” 

Namaste.  - Ellen

[Reminder: I write this as a mother who has an ex and a daughter.  If you are a father with an ex, read “Dad” where you see “Mom.”  If you have a son, read “he” instead of “she.”  The advice is universal, regardless of the pronouns.  The Pro-Child Way^® is a way of considering your child and nurturing his/her spirit through various divorce situations; use this Divorced Situation example as a springboard for creating your own Pro-Child Way.]

Divorced Situation #19:
Parents Together ― School Functions: Back-to-School Night

“Back-to-School Night” is a school-wide version of show-and-tell. It is your child’s opportunity to show and tell about her accomplishments, projects, and classmates. But at this event, what do your actions show and tell? Do you tell of two divorced parents, or are you a family that shows off together?

The Old Way

It’s Back-to-School Night? “Just great,” you sarcastically sigh. Another occasion that you’ll have to suffer through with your ex. Well no more! The solution is at hand: you divide the event in half. The first half of the evening is your turn and the second half of the event will be your ex’s turn. Yep, that’s right. Your child can first show you her classroom, her seat, her books, her poem on the wall, and her favorite classroom activity. Then it’s off to show you the way to the art room, the gym, the music room, the cafeteria, and the bathrooms. Once the whole school is covered once or twice at a jog, you can leave so that your ex can arrive.

Once your ex arrives, your child can show him the classroom, her seat, and her books. Forget the poem and her favorite classroom activity, time will be running out and Dad will still need to see the gym. He can’t see it all? Too bad. At least you avoided each other and that is most important. Given the circumstances, you fit in what you could.

The Pro-Child Way^®
When Back-to-School Night is split in two, what is usually a fun and proud night for a child turns into a burden. Your child becomes more worried about crossing between Mom’s time and Dad’s time, and less focused on showing off her accomplishments. The night is exhausting for your child, less than fulfilling for the parents, and the whole point of the evening is lost.

What can be more fun for your young child than for the whole family “gang” focusing on her at Back-to-School Night? Her mom, her dad, her siblings, her step-parents, her step-siblings ― all there for her. For days, her classroom has prepared for the big night: cleaning up the desks, creating projects for display, and putting finishing touches on creative stories. She is proud of her work and anxious to show it off. There are teachers to meet and other kids to see. It’s like a big, exciting party for your child where she is the star attraction. The more to share it with her, the merrier!

This is an event specifically designed for parents. As her parents, you should be there, together. Be sure that your ex has plenty of notice so that he can plan on attending. You should walk together, ooh and aah together, and greet the teachers together. There are usually parent sign-up sheets to register for conferences or participate in classroom parties. You and your ex should consider these together and sign up when appropriate.

You and your ex should have fun with your child and be glad that she is excited to show off her classroom activities. By being Parents Together, you show her that she is important, not the divorce.

Every month I like to highlight someone that has come into my awareness who is creating a better reality for themselves and others - especially as it relates to children and divorce.  This past month I’ve been inspired by various divorced parents who, inspite of hardships, are creating wonderful experiences for their children.  For privacy, I won’t detail these remarkable moms and dads, but if our paths have crossed in CO, AZ, NM, PA or in-between - I’m thinking of you.

As a continuation in my blog series “If I Can Do It, You Can Too!”, you can read one mom’s personal journey through divorce.  It is so important - for the sake of other divorcing parents who are caught up in The Old Way - to hear more and more stories of parents who are choosing the The Pro-Child Way^® of nurturing their child’s spirit.

If you are out there Being the change with your own children, then I am here thinking of you and smiling.  I welcome you to contact me to share your story!

Blog excerpt:
“I was one of those….those people some of you look at and wish you had their lives when you look at it from the outside. Handsome husband, beautiful children and being able to choose to stay at home when the opportunity presented itself. We were the fun couple, the one everyone wanted to be around, the house everyone gathered at for parties or just spur of the moment stuff. The outside looked “perfect” and I thought because of my faith, my upbringing, my life I would never be one of those who ended up bitter, unhappy, angry and divorced. [read further…]

Divorced-Parenting Tips Seminar Camp Hill, PA
Sponsored by Om Baby
Saturday, August 14, 2010
(thank you to Om Baby for hosting the April Tips Seminar)
10-11:30 am
The Tips Seminar is packed full of mindful divorced parenting tips.  Please contact Om Baby to register.

Aspire Magazine FREE Subscription

Linda Joy, the publisher of Aspire Magazine is making strides on her mission to inspire 100,000 women by offering 100,000 free subscriptions to her now electronic publication.  In addition to other free goodies, new subscribers can download Chapter 2 of The Pro-Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex for free!  [Parents Together: Out and About with Your Child and Your Ex. Divorced-parenting situations include doctor and school visits, birthday parties and more]
Click on this link to subscribe.

Listen in!

Five podcasts encouraging you to Nurture Your Child’s Spirit.

In theme with this month’s newsletter of Understanding, Thank You for understanding the late timing of this newsletter!  In keeping with a Pro-Child Way mindset, sometimes things take a little extra time to become clear.  But in allowing the process to happen and not forcing it, a bit more understanding can happen, revealing unexpected smiles

Nurture Your Child’s Spirit,
-Ellen

expanding Love
Joy in all things
choosing Self-Control
Gentleness with your eyes, [more]
spreading Goodness in all you do
Faith purpose in it all
Peace within you, within [more]
Kindness to those you [more]
show Patience with others [more]
plus, “Nurture Your Child’s Spirit”

purchase…