1. Your Child’s Teacher, Your Child’s Example.
You can’t ignore the importance of YOU setting an example for your children.  Generosity can be witnessed by your child when you let a frantic mom, who is holding a crying baby, ahead of you in the grocery line.  It is witnessed when you let another driver go first at the 4-way stop sign.  Your child sees generosity when you take the time to hold the door for someone who is still far off.  Your child sees generosity in action when you rake your elderly neighbor’s leaves.  By practicing generosity, you teach generosity.  Add a simple comment to your child that highlights the effect of your deed.  “Wow, I bet that baby will be glad to get out of the grocery store and back home to eat.  Thanks for waiting with me while they went first.”  The result of being generous with your (and your child’s) time is that a baby may find comfort.  Your child can relate to this!

2. Ask your child “Generosity” questions.
Oh, I do love my children’s bedtime routine which often includes “bedtime chats”.  But these conversations are also perfect for the dinner table or while driving to school.  Once established, the routine takes hold and you’ll be surprised when your child becomes the caretaker.  Even young children can quickly blossom in their answers and awareness if given your nurturing guidance.  When starting a new Generosity question, grow it through patience.  Allow your child days and weeks and months of practice.  The point is for your child to be mindful of the question as she goes through her day, in anticipation of “getting to” share it with you at day’s end.  Remember that this isn’t a one-way practice: your child will grow from hearing your responses too!  Here are some questions to get you started:

- “Tell me something nice that you saw someone do for someone else today.”  If your child wants to tell you something nice that she did, acknowledge that she wants to tell you, but ask her to save it till later.  Remember to ask later!
- “Tell me one thing that you were thankful for today.”  Keep it to one thing!  It requires more careful thought as your child examines her day.
- “Tell me one gift that you would like to give to someone.”  Although I fully expect my 1st grader to wish for a toy for her “best friends forever” cousin, through my guidance and through the days, I’ll use examples as ways to expand her answers to gifts for strangers that we come across that day to people around the world.  In my own home, I’m excited to see this question progress as December marches on.
- “Who did you see today, that you haven’t seen in awhile, that you were glad you saw?”  My 1st grader reminded me that even she can miss “old” friends: pre-school classmates, old teachers, her parent’s friends.  We use this Generosity question after particularly social days.

3. Encourage a Generosity party
While the theme of these parties can vary, the purpose is the same: for your child to enjoy being generous with others.  No need to go overboard with special food, decorations, or favors – this party creates its own fun, just because it is.  Have your child invite friends over for a party anchored on an act of generosity.  2 or 3 friends are sufficient for a younger child, after school or on a half-day is perfect.  Encourage your child to “be in charge” and then let it happen.  No need to micromanage fun.  The point isn’t the outcome, but in the spirit of fun at coming together around a cause.  When my young daughter had her “earth day party” last month, she didn’t mind the nearly-empty trash collection bags from walking our clean neighborhood nor did she feel it was a failure that more leaves got scattered then raked in the backyard “clean-up” portion.  She and her friends had a blast.  The point is to take an idea, gather friends, and have fun.  Doing this when she is 6 may prompt her to do it at 7, 8, 9 and beyond.  I’m sure as each year passes, the outcomes will grow with her enthusiasm.  Here are some Generosity party ideas:

- Food bank party, where friends bring canned goods.  I know my younger child would want to decorate the cans with ribbons and bows!  It’s always nice to have the children hand deliver the items, making it less abstract.
- Animal shelter party, where friends bring pet toys and food.  Warning, if you take the children to the shelter, be sure to set the ground rules that no pets come home!
- Earth day party, this idea isn’t restricted to the calendar date.  My daughter suggested picking up trash, planting seeds, and raking leaves.  The time of year suggested that planting seeds wasn’t going to be very “fruitful” – so she substituted jumping into leaves.  Keep in mind that it is neither fun nor practical for young ones to clean-up busy streets or the county landfill! 

4. The Twenty Dollar Challenge
Here is something relating to money that parents can easily do with their child.  Give your child $20.  (The generosity starts with you.)  But, give it with the stipulation that your child passes it on in some way.  Don’t expect an immediate generosity filled answer!  Sometimes, Spirit takes a while to show the way.  Over the course of time, watch as your child turns from wanting something for herself to entertaining ideas for others.  Discuss possibilities, encouraging your child to see opportunities.  The recipient isn’t as important as the manner in which it is given.  Upon deciding that her twenty dollars be used to buy toothbrushes and toothpaste for homeless children (Spirit led her into a conversation about this need), my 6 year old loved selecting and paying for her items at the self-check out, and then topping off her gifts with bows. It was truly a testament that joy was included in her generosity!  To get you started, here are some other ideas:
- Buying a “flock of geese” at HeiferInternational.org
- Buying yarn and donating it to a retirement home, perhaps to later see the knitted finished products
- Given to someone in need
- Asking the guidance counselor or church if a youngster has a particular need
- Going to the mall and randomly treating strangers to hot pretzels

Teaching our children generosity is as important as teaching our children to look both ways when crossing the street.  Whether through small conversations or larger displays, there are opportunities at every age to start a generosity practice.  What is the reward to your child?  The smile that they receive and the quiet knowing that they belong to the community of the world.

Every month brings a different holiday. Every holiday brings up the issue of “gifts.” When you are divorced, gift-giving holidays can be tricky. How do you handle your child’s gift that is intended for your ex? As much as you may want to avoid the whole gift-giving/ex routine, your child will not. So, that leaves you with questions: What does your child give to her other parent? Are you going to make your ex’s gift all about you or all about your child? The choice is yours, but the consequence is your child’s. Teach your child about the spirit of giving.

The Old Way
“What are we getting Dad?” your child inquires. When it comes to gift-giving holidays and presents for your ex, you can be thrown into two tempting directions. You pause to answer ... on the one hand, why should you spend time and money on a gift for your ex? “C’mon,” you sneer, “that jerk? I’m not buying him a darn thing.” You’re not going to give him the time of day, let alone a present, and you certainly aren’t going to spend a dime. Gift-giving holiday? Baaaah! The day you got divorced is the day the presents stopped. If your ex thinks it’s a good idea to receive a present from his child, then he can take her shopping for it. Your ex will most definitely not be getting any presents from you!

But ... on the other hand, now that you think about it, a gift might not be such a bad idea ― especially a gift that is dripping in revenge and innuendoes. Spoiled chocolates, dead flowers, a big box of nothing, a picture of you and your child? Why not? Sounds like the perfect gift for such a louse. Just thinking about it brings a Grinch-inspired smirk to your face. You perk up when you think of each gift-giving holiday as a new opportunity for revenge. Besides, is he getting anything for you?

The Pro-Child Way
It’s not about you! It’s not your gift for your ex; it’s not his gift for you. Exes don’t buy each other gifts. Children buy their parents gifts, and this is your child’s gift for her dad. This is about your child and fostering a better relationship between her and her dad.
When it comes to divorce, your child’s gift-giving shouldn’t change at all. A child should naturally want to give her parents something to mark a special occasion. That shouldn’t change just because her parents are divorced. Your child should give, as well as receive, and your only role is to help her. Smaller children need more guidance, but all children need your support.

Have your child prepare for a holiday by thinking of her dad and her dad’s family. What would she like to give them? Has she thought of any ideas already? We all treasure the gifts that our children make for us, so encourage special handmade items. A trip to the craft store can offer many inexpensive options. Does your child’s dad live far away? Then how about some plain envelopes adorned with crayons and stickers, addressed back to her? Or turn the rock collection into paperweights painted with love. Whatever the gift, don’t let a holiday pass without some special gift from your child.

Holidays give us an excuse to do something out of the ordinary. It isn’t just any Tuesday ― it’s Groundhog Day! Why spend another day doing the same old, same old, when you can make it special. Cookies, drawings, cards, or crafts can all distinguish a holiday. Have fun working on these projects together, talking about the holiday and how much Dad will love his gift.

When occasions call for a bought gift, make a day out of going with your child to find that special gift. Is she looking for a tie? Avoid the rush in, rush out, grab any tie that you see. Instead, take time with your child to look at a selection. Which tie does she think Dad will like best? Make sure she is happy with the choice. After all, it is her gift. Here’s a tip: consider shopping at theme or cartoon character stores. Your child may be too young to decide between a sweatshirt or gloves, but she can definitely decide on her favorite character that adorns the various clothes. These gifts keep the present geared towards her, and away from any personalized gesture from her divorced parents.

Don’t forget the wrapping paper. Wrapping paper should be part of your child’s creation. Whether it’s for a birthday, Valentine’s Day, or Christmas, personalized paper is the finishing touch on her special gift. Praise creativity, not neatness!

Through all of this thought, preparation, and activity, your child learns the joy in giving to others. Your child learns that it is OK for her to think of, talk about, and make plans involving her Dad. It is so important for you to support the relationships that are important to her. One way to show this is by embracing gift-giving holidays.

Aspire Magazine
When I first learned of Aspire Magazine, I was immediatley impressed by the wealth of information that it contained and the fantastic layout.  Unlike other “women’s magazines” that focused on clothes and make-up, Aspire focuses on nurishing a women’s soul.  I’m thrilled to be sharing my Pro-Child message in the latest issue and invite you to subscribe by clicking on the link below.





International Academy of Collaborative Professionals
Is there a Pro-Child Way of divorce?  The lawyers and professionals who are Collaborative Professionals answer that question with a resounding Yes!  Collaborative Law has been enjoying increased popularity in the States, and is now at the tipping point.  Think of it as mediation on steroids.  The Collaborative team includes you and your ex-to-be, each with your own Collaborative Lawyer, plus it may include financial and child professionals.  You all work as a team in finding Solutions.  The catch is also the key: you and your ex-to-be agree in writing to work within the Collaborative process.  Why is this the Pro-Child Way?  At all points of the process, the point is to created shared solutions.  Your child benefits by having parents that seek solutions, not throwing them into more conflict.  I’ve become a “get-out-the-blow-horn” champion of Collaborative Law.  Click on the link above to find a CL professional in your area.

expanding Love
Joy in all things
choosing Self-Control
Gentleness with your eyes, [more]
spreading Goodness in all you do
Faith purpose in it all
Peace within you, within [more]
Kindness to those you [more]
show Patience with others [more]
plus, “Nurture Your Child’s Spirit”