So, a month of Faith—“how wonderful!” I thought.  And, a perfect month to launch The Pro-Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex…

Amazon.com rankings.  As I detailed in January’s newsletter, the excitement of seeing my book in print and it being well received in sales was exhilarating.  But even though I knew that it was my ego driving the incessant rank checking, it wasn’t until I remembered Faith, that I stopped the checking.  The tipping point was seeing it at #19 under Divorce to seeing it go past 100 and off the ranking system the next day.  I sat myself down and had a chat.  “Ellen, this work, this book, it’s been a 12 year journey of unbelievable climbs, turns, and free-falls.  Do you really think that your micromanaging the sales of your book will make the difference between whether it helps others or not?”  “No”, I pouted, “It won’t…”  Deep breath in and out.  And I stepped away from the results.  Several days later, when I was on the site, I saw that the rankings were back in the double digits, I smiled.  Just now, I laughed again, as I saw that it was back off the top 100.  Ahhhh, Faith… experiencing it is always more concrete then knowing it.

Out of Stock.  Continuing in my Amazon.com journey of Faith has been the experience of “Out of Stock.”  For Christmas, my older daughter received, and inhaled, the Tao of Pooh.  In seeing “Out of Stock” at Amazon, someone (perhaps my ego) said “Whaaa!  Why is it out of stock when boxes and boxes were printed!”  Then I received an email that read,”I see your book is out of stock on Amazon - Congratulations on the great sales!”  “Oh, right” my inner-Pooh reminded me, “Out of Stock = that’s too bad?… ‘is that so?’”  And later seeing it “in stock and ready for immediate delivery”, I paused before telling myself: “That’s great!”, wondering ‘is that so?’.  Ahhh, Faith… in-stock or out - a judgement can not be made, but Faith that “all is as it should be” can remain.

Radio Interview.  Back in November, I was invited to appear in January on the local NPR affiliate’s one-hour Smart Talk radio program.  At the time, the producer suggested that I include another “expert” to join me as is the tradition with the program.  I don’t need to detail how hectic Thanksgiving to New Years is, especially when you add in a book release, but while I was expert-less on January 1st, by the January 13th show, a fantastic one was on-board.  (See “Connections” below.)  Faith is not panicking at an impending deadline and being open to a possibility.  The radio show went so very well and Ahhhh… my Faith in the magic of the universe leapt forward.

Traditional “Faith”. Another lesson of my Faith came when I learned that a minister at my former church chose to preach about me and my daughter’s departure as an example of a lack of Faith.  Ahhhh… my Faith exploded through someone’s declaration that I had little. What a gift that challenging experience was for me.

Others.  With the public entrance of my book, I’ve had the opportunity to connect with more parents who are facing their own divorced-parenting situations.  Whether through personal correspondence, the talk-in radio program, or my leading a mindfulness seminar, I’ve seen how my Faith in my work can be transferred to others.  And for that, I can only say, “Ahhhhhhh!”

So I say goodbye to the month of January, having gained so much more Faith through my experiences.  As my t-shirt design declares “Faith: Purpose in it all”. 

February marks the Unity Church’s month of Strength, to which I say, “Bring it on!”

As the saying goes: “Actions speak louder than words.” True, your actions are a dead giveaway to your true feelings.  When your child mentions your Ex or her “Steps”, what is your immediate action? If your first reaction is to roll your eyes then you are sending a hurtful message to your child.  You are shutting down all possibilities of useful conversation—and replacing any positive thoughts that she may have with your obvious displeasure.  Instead, your immediate reaction should be an inviting-look that encourages your child to share her thoughts and feelings.  From there, the stage is set and your words can have an impact.  So what will you say when your child mentions your ex or her “steps”?  You can choose to insult and attack them or you can choose to focus on the love that they offer your child.  If you asked your child, which way would she choose?

The Old Way: Somedays, you feel so sad for your child.  She once had a mom and dad who loved her and now divorce has split her family apart.  Her household is forever ruined.  Her dad, who used to be down the hall, is now in a separate house.  And his love went with him.  You can just imagine how deprived she must now feel.

And now there’s her—that other woman who is involved in your ex’s life.  Now his attention is on her.  What’s worse is that she has her own children too!  As if it wasn’t hard enough for your child to get some love, now more kids have arrived to take time and attention away from her.  It’s always one more thing.  It’s all getting out of hand.

You have to protect your child from getting hurt.  You know what it’s like to be wanting love and it not being returned.  You’re not going to let your child be that vulnerable.  Your ex want’s a new life? FINE.  He’ll get that new life and his old life will let him move on.  You’ll show your daughter that you both are fine without him.  He can go and do whatever he likes with whomever he wants - it doesn’t effect you or your daughter.  The two of you can survive and thrive without them. 

Sure, you’ll teach her to be polite to them, but it’s for sure she’ll know that when it comes to love, you’re the one that she can count on.

The Pro-Child Way^SM: “Do you know what? You are so lucky to have so many people that love you.  I love you, dad loves you, [her dad’s girlfriend] loves you, [your husband] loves you, Nana loves you, your brothers and sisters love you, your cousins love you.  You are very lucky.”

Your child is the luckiest person in the world.  She has a mother that loves her very, very much.  She has a father that loves her very, very much.  With any luck, you and your ex have both found new loves that bring joy and happiness to your child’s life.  With new people comes expanding love for your child.  Your child is indeed very lucky to have so many people that love her.

What more could you want for your child than an additional set of loving arms to hold her, tickle her, or show her the way?  A child of divorce shouldn’t grow up feeling deprived or less loved.  The only reason that would happen is if the adult attitudes mess everything up.  Children naturally want to express love and be loved.  A step-mom, a step-dad, step-grandparents, or step-siblings are all additional opportunities for your child to be loved.  Think of all of the wonderful experiences that these individuals bring to your child’s world.  Be thankful for their diverse interests and encourage them to share with your child.  Encourage everyone to express their love and interests with your child.  It is your child that will benefit.

Remind your child often how lucky she is that there are so many people that love her.  Your child will grow up feeling safe, protected, and watched over.  And most importantly, your child will grow up feeling loved.

Encourage everyone to express their love and interests with your child.  It is your child that will benefit.

Collaborative Law Attorney Thruman Arnold III
Some of you are receiving this newsletter and wondering, “Where did this come from?  I didn’t sign up for this!”  Indeed, upon feeling a connection with you and your work, I’ve subscribed some to this newsletter.  The real magic begins when you feel that connection back again.  That’s what happened when attorney Thurman Arnold III, responded back to me.  Sticking to my Faith theme, I’ll say “When two or more are gathered in My Name…”  And indeed, joining together in the Light of love and healing, has had exponential results.  Within a short couple of weeks, Thurman and I have embarked on a path of collaborative work, each recognizing the contribution that the other is making towards the vision of bringing peaceful, and nurturing, solutions to the arena of divorce.  The best part will be seeing it explode as more of us come together.

Based out of Palm Springs, California, I encourage you to check out the various sites in which he is involved:
http://www.ThurmanArnold.com, http://www.TransitionalFamilyResources.com, and http://www.CollaborativeDivorceServices.com

Radio Interview

with Ellen Kellner and collaborative law attorney Thurman Arnold III, WITF 89.5 Harrisburg, NPR affiliate

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“Single Again, Now What?” Mentoring Program

Are you single again through divorce?  Have you ever felt this way?
- “Stuck in the muck” and not sure how to move your life forward…
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Here’s an audio clip from founder and facilitator Joanie Winberg:

[please note that the mentoring program is a cost program, of which a percentage is returned to me.]

This past month, I’ve made some great connections through Twitter, but I have to say this message takes the cake:
“ProSpirity is now following you” 

Couldn’t we all use some prosperity and proSpirity following us?

- Blessings to us all
XOXOX Ellen

expanding Love
Joy in all things
choosing Self-Control
Gentleness with your eyes, [more]
spreading Goodness in all you do
Faith purpose in it all
Peace within you, within [more]
Kindness to those you [more]
show Patience with others [more]
plus, “Nurture Your Child’s Spirit”

purchase…