Hmmmm…

It reminded me of a book I recently read… er, wrote.  A book that step-by-step shows a person how to “snap out of it”, in various ego-vying situations.  So I decided to step away from the computer, pick up the book, and start reading at the beginning.  It hit me right in the heart.  Words that I had written, some several years ago, spoke to me in that moment.  Some so powerfully, that I started highlighting passages.  While the words “simply by recognizing my ego-based reaction and choosing another way” were written with divorced-parenting in mind, at that moment the words spoke to my ranking-obsessed ego, and reminded me to choose another way to think about my book release. 

As I continued to read, my thoughts rose to a higher level.  While seeing my book in print is certainly a milestone that I will celebrate (and jump up and down about), my re-reading “If I Can Do It, So Can You!” intro-chapter brought me back to WHY I wrote this book.  A book release is cool.  Divorce sucks.  All divorces suck, it’s just a matter of degrees.  And while The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex can be broken down into some uplifting soundbites, it doesn’t erase the fact that divorced-parenting from a non-ego driven position is very, very challenging.  Even more challenging then my resisting to check Amazon.com rankings right now!  It takes conviction and a solid belief that you are responsible for guiding how your child perceives life.

I read, “When it comes to your child, stuff your ego into the closet and parent from a position of caring: caring for your child.  Of course you love your child.  So “caring for your child” should be easy.  But when you’re standing in the doorway, with your ex screaming at you about something totally irrelevant, it takes more than “caring” to smile and say, “OK! Bye Daddy, see you tomorrow!”  It takes conviction.  Conviction that Pro-Child parenting is what you do.”  This is hard, serious stuff.  And those of you who are currently in the tsunami of ego-based divorced-parenting know how very hard it is.  I don’t suggest that The Pro Child Way^SM is easy.  I do guarantee that your child’s smile will be your reward.

For me, The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex is about accomplishments, but it’s only because I’ve been there and done that. Twice.  In my dedication I wrote,

“For Sarah and Acadia, You’re so important to me that my love for you forced me to figure it out and keep doing it.” and I am… continuing to do it today, tomorrow, and the day after that.  Like this New Year’s Day, each day is a new day to commit to nurturing their spirit.

The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex is now available for you.  Who is important in your life, that your love for him/her is going to force you to figure it out and keep doing it?  Let me help you.  Then, we can all hold hands with our children and jump up and down in excitement.

Happy 2010!

Letter to the Reader:

This book on pro-child parenting after divorce isn’t a collection of research, surveys, or field studies. This is my life. These are my children’s lives ― both my older child with her dad and my younger child with her dad. Two children. Two exes. The phrase, “She knows every trick in the book,” doesn’t refer to a dog. It refers to me. I know “tricks” number 1 through 46. I’ve “been there, done that” twice with all 46 situations. I’ve been tempted by the old way of divorced-parenting. And at times, to satisfy my own ego, I’ve slid down that nasty old path ― only to find my child’s needs laying in the proverbial trash can along with my heart.

My children are so important to me. I want them to grow up in a world seeing others’ needs, not wrapped up in their own needs. I want them to experience joy, love, compassion, and wonder. I realized quickly that in order to instill that in them, I had to be a good parent. Which means I have to be an excellent, thinking, and full-of-conviction divorced parent.

I am raising my daughters as a parent should. The fact that their other parent is my ex plays very little in the final choices that I make regarding their upbringing, even though it is considered normal to travel a different divorced-parenting path. It seems that society encourages spiteful, ego-filled divorced-parenting. It’s all too easy to blindly follow this old way of divorced-parenting. Instead, I’m actively choosing a new way of thinking. A thinking that listens more to my heart than to the chatter in my mind.

This is why I wrote a book. I challenge society’s old ways that are so detrimental to children of divorce. I realize that when you take time to be still and consider your child, you’ll remember that good parenting skills are absolute and not corrupted by marital status. A child needs love, time, structure, consideration, respect, and discipline. A good parent strives to provide these things and more.

The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex is based on the truth that I can only change my divorced-parenting behavior by first recognizing where I am at. If I am angry, spiteful, resentful, or sorrowful towards my ex, I will parent that way until I recognize that that is where I am. My children feel where I am. Once I get real with where I am, I’m amazed at how easily The Pro Child Way^SM follows.

Being still is very powerful. Within the stillness, I can hear love speak. I can feel what other divorced-parenting choices I can make that would nurture my children. Simply by recognizing my ego-based reaction and choosing another way, my children are shielded from my attitude and nurtured in The Pro Child Way^SM. I am a parent. A parent who handles divorced situations. And in this mindful world of parenting with an ex, I am choosing the The Pro Child Way^SM.

I’m not special. I didn’t attend years of classes on child psychology, parenting, or conflict resolution. I am simply a mom who made a choice to not use the old way of divorced-parenting as my way. I want my children to grow up knowing that they are loved very much. Pro-Child parenting is the result, and every day I continue to make that choice. If I can do it, so can you … If I can do it, YOU CAN TOO!

- Ellen

With the start of 2010 and the launch of The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex, it is fitting that I lift up those professionals who have made this possible.

Rachel Dunham, Graphic Designer
Rachel is an extremely gifted graphic designer whose work is seen on my newsletter, site, t-shirts, and book jacket.  I can’t praise her enough.  Through her talent, she translated loose ideas into the concrete images that are now identified with my work… and it all started with a logo for my business card!  Contact her for your graphic design needs.  Thank you Rachel, for giving The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex a look that fully captures “Nurture Your Child’s Spirit”.

Karen Newell, Web Designer
Karen is the reason you can read this newsletter.  Without her HTML know-how, I’d still be back in plain text email.  She is the ultimate web goddess who is very knowledgeable in her craft, plus a calming presence in helping me to get my web site from concept to it’s current (and growing) condition.  A wonderful consequence of her various sites is linking the expanding network of gifted individuals who are using their gifts in the highest light.  Thank you Karen for all that you do for all of us!

Untapped Talent, LLC, publisher
Obviously, my publisher belongs on this “Thank You” list!  Untapped Talent not only saw the value of the The Pro Child Way^SM: Parenting with an Ex, but also involved me throughout the process so that the original message of my book remained intact.  For book orders, individual to mass, you can contact the publisher directly.

Indeed, together, we are being the change.

Aspire Magazine FREE subscription
Aspire Magazine’s December issue is now available.  I’m so excited that The Pro Child Way^SM was included!  Subscribe to this free publication to see the full article Speaking Words of Wisdom: Divorced Parenting Language, 7 tips on what to say when parenting after divorce.

Check out upcoming events on the web site for seminars and radio interviews… Who else do you know that is parenting after a divorce?  Have them subscribe to the newsletter…  Oh! And encourage my Amazon.com ratings by buying a book or two!

expanding Love
Joy in all things
choosing Self-Control
Gentleness with your eyes, [more]
spreading Goodness in all you do
Faith purpose in it all
Peace within you, within [more]
Kindness to those you [more]
show Patience with others [more]
plus, “Nurture Your Child’s Spirit”

in keeping with today’s newsletter, a new design has been added: